I need to get a life

Its 11pm on a Sat night and what am I doing? Sitting on the couch searching for ways to make my next IVF sucessful. I need to get a life and stop thinking about the process until its time to start again. Dh is hanging with the guys and I can't even find the energy to go out with the girls. I just want to stay home and work on the nursery. Help me!

One more day down

Sometimes I feel like I'm counting my life down one day at a time: The waiting is driving me crazy, and I'm trying to keep myself active. We are planning a vacation to help, but in reality its just another thing to add to the timeline. Yes my mind is not always focused on IVF, but its always there in the back of my mind. Today, one of my students called to drop out of school because she just found out that she was pg. It drives me insane that everyone else can get pg at the drop of a hat and I am sticking myself, stressing myself out and worrying about everything that will help with implantation and what will hurt. What can I do in the next few weeks to help my chances even a little.

How do you turn off your mind and stop thinking about creating the family that you have wanted your whole life? How do you continue to be happy for everyone around you who get pg so easy? How do you look yourself in the mirror, knowing that there is a very good chance that you will never be a mom? I wish I knew.

I wanted to keep the results posted somewhere

1st IVF cycle
12/19 start BCP
1/12 start stims
(150 Follistim, 3 Menopur)
1/14/08 -1st b/w - E2 92
- keep same dosage
1/16/08 - 2nd b/w - E2 234
- keep same dosage
1/18/08 - 3rd b/w - E2 613
1st u/s - 9 follies - keep same dosage
1/20/08 2nd u/s left side 19mm, 18mm 15mm 13mm
right side 16mm, 14mm 12mm
E2 - 1600
150 Follistim, 4 Menopur, start Ganirelix
1/21/08 3rd u/s left side 21, 20, 20 18, 15 some smaller, right 19, 18, 16, some smaller
E2 - 1611
keep same dosage
1/22/08 - We have 8 mature follies
tonight trigger with Orvidrel.
ER 1/24 - 6 eggs
1/25 - 2 eggs fertilized
ET 1/26 2 four cell ebabies
1st Beta 2/8 -

Mr. Wonderful

I think that going through this IFV process has made me appreciate my DH more and more each day. Almost from the moment we met I knew he was the one for me, it just took him a while to admit it. Each day I wake up and realize that he is wonderful and I could not have been more lucky in the love department. He has been so supportive and tender since the failed IVF. He is right now planning on a mini vacation to gat us away from our everyday world. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but when we vacation it is usually to visit family or to work on a project with our home. While having children may be a long shot with us, I have to say that our marriage is the best part of my life.

Happy Valentines Day

Thinking about tonight - We are going to cut up some cheese and crackers, have a little champagne and enjoy each others company tonight. DH got me the best card this year. He usually finds the funniest one for me but this year he went out of character and found a very personal one that was sweet. Everyday, I should be thanking God for bringing him into my life. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. In most ways, I have been truely blessed.

Twenty-seven minutes till I go home

Well, today is day 2 of my blogging experience. I am sending this one out from work. Today was a very busy day at work, until I decided to slack off for a few minutes and write down my thoughts. Brian and I have decided on starting our next cycle in April with a transfer date of sometime in May. I have to call the RE tomorrow to see what and when we need to get started again. In real life - we are just hanging out at home tonight. I have to stop and buy a Valentine's Day card and something bad for Brian on the way home. I want to be able to give it to him first thing in the morning. He has been so supportive over the last few weeks when my emotions have been going crazy and I been irrational.



Strange news - a former co-worker called today to see if I wanted to start a business with her. It was out of the blue, I haven't even talked to her in ages. I am already over worked and over stressed to think about a 3rd job.



Good news - Big Brother was a blast last night and I am looking forward to tonights show. It's

nice to have some really bad reality tv to watch.

On to the next step

Okay, so today we made a decision about the next step. We are planning on starting our next round of BCP's in April and our next IVF in May. Its nice to have made a decision and to be able to start looking forward to the next opportunity to be a Mommy.
I was so upset with the failure of our last cycle that I spent 3 days in a haze of tears cuddled in my covers. My love tired to cheer me up, but I needed to take Monday off to have a day to myself and make an attempt to pull myself together. I tried writing my thoughts in a journal during the first trip through IF land. I thought this time I would try the blog so I could access it from any where when the need to express myself hit.